“Yes. I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when you’re going to need to bear a passing resemblance to someone.”
![jackiegarlich:
Michael Scott: “I don’t know you. But I need to know you in order to sell to you. That is why I have asked you to go around and tell me your names. I have an amazing mnemonic device by which I have now memorize all of your names.” [pointing to people]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l00mi31cxa1qzp9aeo1_500.jpg)
Michael Scott: “I don’t know you. But I need to know you in order to sell to you. That is why I have asked you to go around and tell me your names. I have an amazing mnemonic device by which I have now memorize all of your names.” [pointing to people]
“Scissor me!” — Michael Scott (via jackiegarlich)
“Here’s the thing. When a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media and then you control the story. Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. That’s what happened to O.J.” — Michael Scott (via jackiegarlich)
“What is it like being single? I like it! I like starting each day with a sense of possibility. And I’m optimistic, because everyday I get a little more desperate. And desperate situations yield the quickest results.” — Michael Scott (via jackiegarlich)
“Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only … pretending to be a man, I’m the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt! [awkward silence] No it’s not, not like penis-wise.” — Michael Scott (via jackiegarlich)
“
Jim: You can’t yell out “I need this, I need this” as you pin down an employee on your lap.
Michael: Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless!
” — (via jackiegarlich)“
Zyan: I’m Zyan. I’m Mikyla’s younger brother.
Michael Scott: Well Zyan I am not going to be paying for your tuition.
[sportive laughter from the room]
Michael Scott: Which brings me to my main point. And that is that I will not be able to pay for anybody’s tuition. I’m so sorry.
” — (via jackiegarlich)“I just—I fell in love with these kids. And I didn’t want to see them fall victim to the system. So I made ‘em a promise. I told them if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I have made some empty promises in my life but, hands down that was the most generous.” — Michael Scott (via jackiegarlich)
“So, yesterday Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. Which is unfortunate, because it turns out that Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs.” — Jim Halpert, The Office (via jackiegarlich)