Things I like

Scissor me!

Here’s the thing. When a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media and then you control the story. Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. That’s what happened to O.J.

What is it like being single? I like it! I like starting each day with a sense of possibility. And I’m optimistic, because everyday I get a little more desperate. And desperate situations yield the quickest results.

Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only … pretending to be a man, I’m the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt! [awkward silence] No it’s not, not like penis-wise.

Jim: You can’t yell out “I need this, I need this” as you pin down an employee on your lap.

Michael: Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless!

Zyan: I’m Zyan. I’m Mikyla’s younger brother.

Michael Scott: Well Zyan I am not going to be paying for your tuition.
[sportive laughter from the room]

Michael Scott: Which brings me to my main point. And that is that I will not be able to pay for anybody’s tuition. I’m so sorry.

I just—I fell in love with these kids. And I didn’t want to see them fall victim to the system. So I made ‘em a promise. I told them if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I have made some empty promises in my life but, hands down that was the most generous.

So, yesterday Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. Which is unfortunate, because it turns out that Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs.